The life of a fan of the cellar dweller

Before this year's Tennessee football season started, I predicted the Vols would go 5-7. The only reason I predicted the record I did was just in case they did happen to have a losing record - psychologically at least -  it wouldn't hurt as bad. Well that theory has proven false. Every time UT loses it still... well... it still sucks. We currently sit at the season's halfway point and the Vols are 2-4 with upcoming games against Alabama and South Carolina. Yeah, you don't have to tell me. I already know. Things aren't looking good.

Just think, three years ago I watched Tennessee play LSU in the SEC Championship game. Fast forward to this season and I'm predicting them to finish with a losing record and the quarterback of the 2007 team is getting out of rehab and appearing in Jackass 3D? Wow. The fact that I predicted UT to have a losing record just three short seasons after playing for an SEC Championship is a drop off of astronomical proportions. And yes, I'm talking about both UT football and Erik Ainge.

Week in and week out it is becoming more and more painful to watch UT football. So guess what? I have assembled a list of  10 things for us as UT football fans to do that will help cheer us up on Tennessee Volunteer gamedays.

1) Sleep in. Don't worry about watching College Gameday. Why shouldn't you worry about it? 1) You know it's not in Knoxville, and 2) the UT game probably isn't going to appear in their "picks" segment. 2b) Even if they do end up picking the UT game, do you really want to know their picks?

2) Prepare like a champ. The tailgate is going to be key. Be prepared.  

3) Dominate the tailgate. This one is simple. Key ingredients: Great food, cold beverages, good friends, a television to watch the rest of the days college football action on, a spare football to toss back and forth, and corn hole. Who can't have fun at that?


4) Live up the walk to the stadium. The walk to the stadium - excluding the opening kickoff -  is more than likely going to be the most excited UT fans are all day. Don't miss your chance to scream V-O-L-S while your team isn't losing.  

5) Get your popcorn ready. Make sure you have it before halftime. You never know when the band will do the Circle Drill.

6) Incorporate dance moves? You already know it's coming. Kenny Chesney's "Boys of Fall" song is going to play before the start of the 4th quarter. The answer to why they chose this slow country song to pump up 100 thousand fans before the beginning of the most important quarter escapes me. But it is what it is. When life throws you lemons make lemonade. When UT throws you Kenny Chesney make... uh... I'm not sure. Oh well.

7) The strip for some post game. After the game head to the strip with your friends. Win or lose, it'll be hopping. What happens when you get there is up to you.

8) Pick a weekly back-up team. This will probably come in handy the next two weeks when UT is facing - what looks to be - superior competition. For starters, I would not suggest this back-up team be Duke. You always want to look back on your Saturday and be able to say to yourself, "Well, at least one of the teams I rooted for today won." I am not condoning bandwagoning. I am simply suggesting quick and easy self moral boosters. These self moral boosters can be found in the form of teams such as Boise State, Oregon, and of course... Delaware.

9) Scoreboard watch. I'm not talking about top 25 scoreboard watching. Scroll farther down the page, find the North Texas score and then thank God you aren't a Mean Green fan.

10) Set your roster. Yes, I'm talking fantasy football. Can't help it. I'm hooked.

Until next time...

Five Forks on my mind.